


This is how I disappear²

by Mazeu



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Blood, M/M, Murder, Police, Suicide, Weapons, chanyeol is kinda crazy, hella blood, i am sorry for baekhyun tho, there will be blood - Freeform, this is a longer version of another story from me, this will be hella sad i am sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 17:26:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11879298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mazeu/pseuds/Mazeu
Summary: hey guys, thanks for reading some of my shit again. this is a story that i actually posted on asianfanfics, so no i didn't steal it or whatever. anyway, chanyeol's "murders" were supposed to be in cursive but it didn't quite work out, so i am sorry. if you wanna read the original fanfic i add the link! ( http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1230164/this-is-how-i-disappear-abuse-murder-suicide-exo-blood-chanbaek-knife )thank you for reading this and sorry for letting you wait. something new is coming up soon ;)





	This is how I disappear²

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys, thanks for reading some of my shit again. this is a story that i actually posted on asianfanfics, so no i didn't steal it or whatever. anyway, chanyeol's "murders" were supposed to be in cursive but it didn't quite work out, so i am sorry. if you wanna read the original fanfic i add the link! ( http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1230164/this-is-how-i-disappear-abuse-murder-suicide-exo-blood-chanbaek-knife )  
> thank you for reading this and sorry for letting you wait. something new is coming up soon ;)

It was 2am on a Monday night. Chanyeol was still awake, sitting in his lounge, guitar in his hands and randomly playing some chords. Suddenly he heard a knock on his door. Confused Chanyeol stood up and walked to the door, slowly opening it. A small figure stood in his door, with dry tears and blood on his face, bruises on it as well.

“Baekhyun?”, Chanyeol asked in a quiet and slightly broken voice. The smaller just looked at him, his eyes red from crying. “What happened?”, he added to his question before. Baekhyun just rolled up his sleeves on both arms that were covered in bruises, as well as his shirt to show his chest that looked the same. Chanyeol stood there in shock and then he just took Baekhyun into his arms, hugging him tight. The other started crying again. He wrapped his arms around Chanyeol and hid his face in his shoulder to muffle his sounds.

They stayed like that for around ten minutes before Chanyeol decided to close the door and bring Baekhyun to bed. He wrapped him into a blanket, made him a cup of hot milk and brought him his favourite plushie to cuddle. “Is this okay?”, he whispered as he leaned down to run his fingers through Baekhyun’s messy hair. Baekhyun slowly nodded before he singed Chanyeol to lay next to him.

Chanyeol crawled into the bed and laid down behind him. Softly he put his arms around his best friend who turned in his arms to face him. “Thank you, Chanyeol”, he whispered as he closed his eyes. With his hands Chanyeol draw little circles on Baekhyun’s back. He realized that the smaller one fell asleep in his arms. He leaned down and pressed his lips against his forehead. “I’ll protect you, Baekhyun. So, you don’t have to cry anymore”, he whispered and left Baekhyun to sleep for the next hours to calm down.

As quiet as possible Chanyeol packed his rucksack with the only thing that he needed: a knife. He put on a hoodie and the black hood over his cap as he left the apartment. Like a soldier that knows his mission he got on a subway, two or three stations later he left it to walk the rest. After what felt like hours he arrived at his goal location. Baekhyun’s home – no old home. He knocked at the door and waited for it to open, what he shouldn’t because it was almost four am by now. He then turned to the left and took the key under the vase. Chanyeol was here at least four times a week to play with Baekhyun when they were kids. Quietly he turned the key in the keyhole and then opened the door to go into the house. He stepped out of his shoes to not make a noise and walked through the hall just to hold when he arrived at the living room. He could see the broken pieces of a vase. Ironically it seems like a metaphor for Baekhyun who was now made of broken pieces. Chanyeol made his way up the stairs and suddenly he stood still. There was light in Baekhyun’s mother’s bedroom. She was awake. She was sobbing. Probably regretting beating her son every day for god knows how long. For a minute, he stood there thinking about what to do. He decided knocked and opened the door to the bedroom. Baekhyun’s mother sat on her bed and stared into the nothingness until she realised that  Chanyeol was there.  
“Chanyeol, what are you doing here?”, she asked, her voice husky from crying and the makeup that ran down her face was clued to her cheeks.  
“I came to... talk to you.”  
“About what?”  
“Why did you it to him? Why did you hit him?”  
“I had no choice, but to do it. He is too filthy, too dirty. Look at him. He is just like his father that left us alone.” That was enough for Chanyeol’s ears, he put down his rucksack and took out the knife.  
“He isn’t dirty, he isn’t filthy. He is beautiful and now broken because of you. You did break a thing that was perfect and living and happy and laughing. And you made him cry. You made him cry himself to sleep because he was so exhausted. No one is supposed to make him cry, no one. And everyone who does must pay for it”, he screamed before he got closer to her and stabbed her the first time. And all he could see from there was red. 

It was a Tuesday around 6am when Baekhyun woke up almost a year later. He was now living with Chanyeol and more than that, he was in love. He realised after three weeks. All the help he got from Chanyeol, but also all the space the younger gave him. He helped him. He went to the therapist with him, the first time. He let him stay and talked to him, let him cry, but also left him alone when he needed to. But no, Baekhyun wasn’t in love with him just because he did all of this for him – no Baekhyun was in love with him because Chanyeol was funny, smart, awesome and absolutely gorgeous. He was just his giant best friend and now lover. Baekhyun wasn’t this happy in a very long time, he hasn’t heard from his mother since that night, but Baekhyun couldn’t care less, he is happy to be out of there.  
Slowly he opened his eyes and rubbed them to get the sleep out of them. He then felt something warm next to him. With as less movement as possible he crawled closer to Chanyeol’s chest to snuggle against it. Suddenly he felt strong arms around his upper body. He smiled. He whispered a quiet ‘good morning’ into Chanyeol’s chest; the next thing he heard was a loud yawn from the giant.

“Did I wake you up?”, Baekhyun asked with a still quiet voice. The other one shook his head.  
“No, I was about to wake up anyway”, he answered. He yawned again which made Baekhyun giggle into his chest. “What’s so funny about my yawning, huh?”  
“Nothing, I’m just happy.”  
“Really?” Baekhyun nodded. Chanyeol’s arms got tighter around his body. “Then I’m happy, too.”

They spend most of the early morning to kiss and cuddle in bed, neither of them ready to get up or to eat.  
“Yeol, do you have work today?”  
“Unfortunately, I have, but I can leave earlier today because it’s Friday.”  
“Then, I’ll make something special to eat today.” Baekhyun said smiling. He now laid on top of Chanyeol resting his chin on his chest and running his fingers over his lover’s collarbones.  
“Did I miss something special?” Chanyeol asked, running his fingers through Baekhyun’s bed hair and the other was running up and down the other’s side.  
“Well, it’s been a year since I came to your place and I want to thank you with a great dinner. And something else, of course”, Baekhyun answered smirking and hiding his face in Chanyeol’s chest. Chanyeol instead turned them over, towering over Baekhyun and kissing him softly on the lips. When they separated he just looked at him with the biggest and cheesiest smile on his face.

Around 3pm Chanyeol opened the front door to his apartment. He was happy and was ready to smell Baekhyun’s cooked meal, but he couldn’t smell anything. What was going on? Slowly Chanyeol walked into the living room and turned on the lights because they were switched off. And there he saw him. Baekhyun on the couch, legs against his chest and his face hidden in his knees, sobbing. Chanyeol’s blood froze. He let his bag fall to the ground and run to Baekhyun’s side, carefully hugging him, afraid to break up even more.  
“My therapist called. He said that he won’t work with me anymore because I can’t pay him. He said that I’m hopeless anyway and never be able to live a normal life or be able to work properly”, Baekhyun sobbed and explained everything to Chanyeol, his face still hidden in his knees. Chanyeol’s anger rose and he had to swallow hard, he wanted to scream, but not at Baekhyun, but his therapist.  
“Baekhyun, look at me”, he said in a calm voice and slowly and unsure if it was the right decision, Baekhyun rose his head and looked at Chanyeol. His eyes were red from all the crying and his bottom lip was bleeding because he tried not to make too loud noises. Chanyeol took Baekhyun’s face in his hands and let his thumps run over his cheeks to wipe away his tears.

“Don’t listen to him, Baekhyun. You were doing so well the last weeks and months. Your part-time job is doing well, you’re still going to school to get another degree and you smile more. Your honest smile, I mean. I know you, you’re stronger than you think you are. Screw him, Baek. We will find another therapist who is willing to help you, to help us. Okay? Don’t give up”, he said in a soft voice, trying to stay as calm as possible, scared to frighten Baekhyun more. He just wanted to help him, somehow. Chanyeol never let his eyes turn away from Baekhyun’s.  
“B-But the money, Chan- “  
“Don’t worry about it, I have a bit money on another bank account that can help us, okay? Just let me help you with this.”  
“I love you, Chanyeol”, Baekhyun whispered, as he let his head rest against Chanyeol’s shoulder, half sitting on his lap.  
“I love you, too, Baekhyun.”

“I’m will be back in an hour, is that fine?”, Chanyeol asked as he put his rucksack on his shoulder. He managed to calm Baekhyun down. But now he had to do something and get some food. He was standing in the front door, Baekhyun opposite of him, wearing Chanyeol’s hoodie and sweatpants.  
“Yeah, I can wait that long if it is for food”, he answered smiling and waving, as Chanyeol was closing the door.  
With big steps Chanyeol walked over to the small bistro to order a take away which would need 25 minutes to get ready. In this time Chanyeol had something else to do. Just a few blocks away was Baekhyun’s therapist. It was ten minutes after his closing time, so he should still be there, right? Chanyeol took a deep breath and knocked on the door. He waited a few seconds, before someone opened the it. It was the therapist himself. With a smile that was so wrong he let Chanyeol in. They walked into his office, both sitting down on a chair.  
“What can I do for you, Mr. Park?”, the therapist asked.  
“Is it possible for you to take Baekhyun back in? He really needs someone like you.” The therapist sighed and shook his head.  
“I’m sorry, but I can’t. I must make myself a living as well, you know? Just because he has a trauma I can’t keep him in, I’m sorry about that, Mr. Park.”  
“So, he really is hopeless then?”  
“I believe so, yes.” Chanyeol now was the one who sighed. Nervously he scratched the back of his head before he stood up and took something out of his rucksack.  
“I’m sorry to hear that, I thought we could talk about it one more time. But when you think someone who is broken can’t be fixed again, then I have no other choice to break you as well.”  
“What do you mean by that?”, the therapist asked right before Chanyeol turned around and showed him his knife. “Mr. Park we can handle that without violence!”, he said, fear in his words and shock in his eyes.  
“I wanted that, but you confirmed that he is hopeless and you made him cry on top of that. That’s the worst thing you could do. So, let me do my job and let you pay for it.” With that sentence Chanyeol throw his knife at the therapist chest for the first time that evening. 

It was a Wednesday three weeks after the therapist incident when Baekhyun was home alone and reading a book and enjoying some music. He found a new therapist that is cheaper and taking better care of him as well which makes him happy. Suddenly he heard the door bell ringing. Not thinking about something bad he stood up and walked to the door. He looked through the peephole and saw two policemen standing outside his door. Really confused he opened the door and scanned the two men standing in front of him.  
“Are you Byun Baekhyun?”, asked the smaller of the two who seemed to be the one in charge here. Baekhyun nodded and let them both show their police brand before letting them into the apartment. He made three cups of coffee and let them sit on the couch while he took a seat opposite of them on a chair. He placed the cups on the table by the couch.

“How can I help you, officers?”, Baekhyun asked.  
“First we would like to introduce ourselves. I’m Zhang Yixing and this my colleague Do Kyungsoo and we’re investigating a murder case, Mr. Byun.”  
“A murder case?” Both nodded. Officer Do took out a picture from his jacket and showed it to Baekhyun whose blood froze in his body.  
“Do you know this person, Mr. Byun?” Baekhyun’s breath hitched and he started shivering, but he slowly nodded. “This is your mother, isn`t it? How long has it been that you saw her?” Baekhyun hesitated for a second prior to he started talking.  
“I think it’s been a year, sir. A-A lot happened and we didn’t keep contact.”  
“If I may ask, Mr. Byun, what happened?”, asked Officer Zhang, who seemed to be Chinese now that Baekhyun thought about it.  
“She abused me for a few years, like hitting me until I got bruises and started bleeding. I have a few scars as well on my body. Then one day I decided to pack a suitcase and one rucksack and run away from home to my best friend”, Baekhyun explained as calm as possible.  
“You’re pretty honest about this, Mr. Byun.”  
“Yes, I know. I just know that you find this out eventually, so I should tell you this myself, sir.” Both officers nodded and they continued talking for a bit of time before they got everything they needed and decided to leave. They asked Baekhyun to keep everything a secret from Chanyeol and everyone else that he knew, also his therapist which was a hard thing to do for Baekhyun, but he promised to do it and let them out of the door. He got to know that his mother was brutally murdered with a knife or maybe a pair of scissors and that she has around 20 holes in her body so she bled to death, they also told him that there were no burglar tracks on the door or somewhere else which means that his mother led the murderer right into her house or he or she had a key to open the front door to get inside.

A few hours later Baekhyun received a phone call from the police informing him that also his old therapist was found dead. Baekhyun was in shock. Who could’ve done all these murders? All these people were close to him. He was scared. Not for him, but for Chanyeol, because he now was the only person close to him that could get murdered. But still he decided to keep the conversations a secret from him.

It was a Thursday evening when Chanyeol found out about the police visiting and calling Baekhyun. They got into a fight. Their first and only one. Baekhyun stormed out of the living room to lock himself into the bathroom, crying. Chanyeol knocked on the door, close to having a panic attack, begging Baekhyun to come out to talk about it and to stop crying, but Baekhyun wasn’t having any of that, he sat down on the closed toilet seat. Chanyeol left him alone, but he also was crying. He wandered to the kitchen, getting a pair of scissors and feeling blind as he walked to the small balcony of their apartment. Slowly he stepped outside and closed the door behind him. He promised to protect Baekhyun and no one was allowed to make him cry.

Chanyeol looked the stars above him. It was a beautiful evening. Not too cold, not too warm. Chanyeol stared at the pair of scissors in his hand and he smiled. It was over for him. He broke his own promise of never making Baekhyun – his Baekhyun – cry, but he did it. And he had to pay for it, just as his mother and the therapist. Slowly he let the pair of scissors run over his arm, first soft, but then harder and harder, the first drop of blood fell to the ground, but many followed. He didn’t stop with his arms. He let the scissors run over his chest and his abs, his other shoulder and his legs. He stood there for minutes, the minutes who felt like hours. ‘I’m sorry’ he whispered again and again. He never stopped smiling. He couldn’t because he would remember his time with Baekhyun and he knew Baekhyun would be fine without him. 

Baekhyun stopped hearing Chanyeol outside the door after some minutes, so he decided to come out of it and talk to him again. He opened the door, but he couldn’t find Chanyeol anywhere, until he saw him standing on the balcony. Slowly he opened the balcony door.

“C-Chanyeol?”, he asked with a quiet and husky voice from all the crying. Chanyeol turned around and Baekhyun’s blood froze in his body. Chanyeol had the brightest smile in his face which was covered in blood. Which blood? Chanyeol’s own blood. From his arms and his naked torso that Baekhyun didn’t see before.  
“Baekhyun.”  
“What happened, Yeol?”, Baekhyun asked, worry in his voice. All the tears and pain long forgotten.  
“I had to punish the person who made you cry, Baekhyun. And that was me this time”, explained Chanyeol. Blood still dripped form his arms and his torso.  
“What are you talking about, Yeol! Come inside and let me check your wounds! You’re bleeding too much!”, Baekhyun almost screamed at him and took a step closer to him. Chanyeol shook his head that made Baekhyun stop in this tracks.  
“I deserve this, Baekhyun. I made you cry. I hurt you. I decided long ago to punish everyone and everything that makes you cry. And this time, it was me.” And then it hit Baekhyun. His dead mother and the dead therapist were Chanyeol’s doing.

“You killed them, Chanyeol?”, Baekhyun asked with concern in his voice. Chanyeol smiled and nodded, before he fell to his knees, that was the moment his smile fell with him. Baekhyun was by his side as fast as he could. “Did you really kill them for me, Chanyeol? Because they hurt me?”, he asked again to make sure, Chanyeol in his arms.  
“Yes, I did”, Chanyeol choked out and leaned against Baekhyun, who suddenly hugged him tight. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you, Baekhyun.”  
“It’s alright, Chanyeol. I know now. Thank you. Thank you so fucking much, Chanyeol”, Baekhyun didn’t know how he got out these words, but they were the truth. That was for sure.  
“There are things that I have done you never should know, Baekhyun. But without you is how I would disappear”, Chanyeol whispered prior to breathing his last breath. He choked on his own blood and it seemed painful how he died and Baekhyun wished to take the pain away from him just as Chanyeol tried to do all the time.

On a Friday Chanyeol had his funeral. All his friends, colleagues and his family was there. Baekhyun, too, of course. All of them cried, but not Baekhyun. He couldn’t. He promised Chanyeol not to cry anymore. There was no one who could protect him now. But Baekhyun knew one thing: he couldn’t live without Chanyeol and he wouldn’t.

Baekhyun was the first one to turn away from the Chanyeol’s grave. He smiled as he walked away from him. He had a pair of scissors in his hand. Chanyeol’s pair of scissors that he used not too long ago to end his own life. Baekhyun kept it to follow him. He walked further away. Not looking back.

Baekhyun turned his head up and looked at someone who seemed to wait for him. He smiled the biggest smile he could. He let fall the bloody scissors down to the ground before he started running to the person who just smiled as bright as Baekhyun did.  
“I missed you”, Baekhyun whispered as he hugged the other person. Chanyeol looked down and smiled at him.


End file.
